Ma petite histoire à moi…
Maman de deux merveilleux petits enfants : une petite Libellule et un P’tit Coco. Ce sont leur surnom. Et l’immense chance d’avoir en plus, un époux merveilleux ainsi qu’ un compagnon à 4 patounettes Simba .
Tout a commencé par des douleurs au sein droit, je n’étais pas très inquiète pour la simple et bonne raison qu’allaitant en mode réconfort voir sevrage naturel mon p’tit garçon 3,5 ans.
Un jour, j’ai pris de décision d’en parler à mon médecin traitant. Elle m’a ausculté directement et fait une prescription pour une échographie afin de me rassurer. La prise de rendez-vous fut un petit parcours : téléphoner dans plusieurs hôpitaux pour avoir un rendez-vous au plus vite même si j’étais rassurée …
En attendant je continue mon p’tit bonhomme de chemin avec ma petite famille…
Confiante, je me rends dans une clinique du sein, mon échographie se transforme en mammographie. Toute positive, je me dis que c’est le protocole pour mes 42 ans (c’était le jour de mon anniversaire le 4 mai). Voilà qu’au fur et à mesure je passe d’un examen à l’autre et on ne m’explique que par des termes médicaux, on me laisse repartir ainsi, sans avoir plus d’explication à mon niveau, je ne suis pas médecin.
Plusieurs jours après, cet l’hôpital me convoque pour plusieurs examens sans m’expliquer … C’est panique dans mon corps … Donc bêtement je pose cette question : « Madame que se passe t-il? ». Je me souviendrais toujours de cette dame qui m’a répondu : « Je ne connais pas votre dossier, je reviens de vacances, ne vous inquiétez pas ». Cette réponse m’a glacé le dos. Je note tous les rendez-vous…
La perte total de confiance en cette clinique du sein,…
Accompagnée de mon époux, nous retournons chez notre médecin traitant en lui expliquant mon aventure, la chance d’avoir un médecin qui est très humaine, qui prend son temps pour les patients, qui est compétente.
Apres une petite analyse du protocole, et une petite discussion, nous changeons d’hôpital, elle contacte l’infirmière coordinatrice et l’oncologue.
On sent que ça pue mais on reste confiant et positif
C’est un tourbillon qui s’empare de nous, se sont des rendez-vous en urgence donc on me contacte très rapidement, c’est tout une organisation.
On me refait : échographie, irm, scintigraphie osseuse, scanner thoracique, biopsies, prélèvements…
Le 24 mai 2022, je vais chez mon oncologue qui m’annonce bien un cancer mais au sein gauche, cancer qui se développe assez rapidement
Je ne réalise pas, étant seule avec elle (j’étais persuadée qu’il n’y avait rien). Mon époux me contacte, je ne veux pas lui annoncer au téléphone, sur le parking, très insistant j’essaie avec douceur de lui expliquer.
Ensuite, il faut l’expliquer à mes parents, à ma grande sœur, à ma belle famille… c’est terrible même si on essaie de mettre de la douceur se sont des électrochocs intenses pour eux et pour moi qui dans leur regard , je repère les peurs et angoisses.
Pour les amis proches je suis passée en mode fugitif de l’annoncer en message vocal, je ne pouvais plus ressentir ces électrochocs qui laissent des traces indélébiles où je dois paraître forte pour éviter l’état de panique. Je ne souhaitais pas qu’ils l’apprennent via d’autres personnes.
Pour mes enfants, j’attends un peu. Mais mon p’tit bonhomme souhaite être allaité donc je lui explique que mes nénés sont malades, il ne comprends pas. Avec les prélèvements et biopsies, mon sein est recouvert de pansements donc je leur explique à tous les deux avec des petits mots simple. A 3,5 ans et 5 ans, comment comprendre ce mot cancer du sein?
Ensuite, la rencontre avec chez le chirurgien qui me met très vite à l’aise et m’explique. Il travaille sur deux sites de l’hôpital.
De là, il faut faire des traçages (9 juin) « des repérages » pour aider le chirurgien.
On m’opère le 15 juin à Namur, un hôpital que je ne connais pas , un tourbillon de peur,…,
Voilà… il faut y passer.
Je rentre à la maison, je reprends des forces et je décide de prendre contact avec ma photographe Mélissa Valli parce que dans ma tête je veux sensibiliser les femmes et jeunes filles mais aussi me dire cette étape est derrière moi. Melissa a su écouter et réaliser les photos.
Retour en visite : contrôle chez le chirurgien et l’oncologue.
On doit me réopérer le 7 juillet : les résultats des prélèvements de la première opération des prélevés d’une chaîne de ganglions, le cancer y avait pointé son nez. Il faut réouvrir et enlever une autre chaîne de ganglions sentinelles, et en même temps, me placer le port à cath (ce qui me servira pour les chimios). J’ai très dur à m’en remettre. Des souffrances horribles après l’opération, impossible de me relever comme si mon corps était paralysé du haut. Durant la nuit une petite voix dans ma tête : c’est maintenant que tu dois te bouger avec l’aide de mon lit, de mes jambes et d’un bras j’arrive à me redresser reprenant mon souffle et séchant mes larmes j’appuie sur le bouton rouge pour l’infirmière de nuit elle arrive très vite. Elle m’aide à aller faire ce premier pipi après l’opération.. Il devait être 23h30. Durant toute la nuit, cette fée infirmière a mis en place le nécessaire pour éviter que je souffre durant la nuit. Le lendemain j’étais debout.
Il faut vite reprendre des forces avant de commencer les chimios très agressives.
La dernière chimio agressive s’est déroulée le 12/09/2022, un peu comme une autre victoire (toute à une intervalle de 15 jours).
Le 26/09/2022, j’entame la chimio (bisounours) à la cadence d’une fois semaine.
Je rencontre la généticienne, nous devons patienter 9 mois, pourquoi ces tests m’ont tenu à cœur? Pour mes enfants, ma soeur, ma nièce et mon filleul…
Le 03/10 je devais faire cette troisième chimio, mes globules sont trop bas.Jje retourne à la maison, sur le coup c’est une claque, je vois mes traitements reportés d’une semaine puis le lendemain j’accueille toutes ces émotions peu agréables et la force de mon esprit me sort « une petite semaine de vacances ». Tout guerrier à besoin de repos !
Dans cet univers tourbillonnant, j’installe de la magie et de paillettes comme je peux.
Ce qui est vraiment éprouvant, c’est d’avoir dû stopper net le sevrage de mon petit garçon alors qu’il en avait encore besoin (qui me demande encore si mes nénés sont guéris), de ne plus être cette maman d’avant, mon énergie n’est plus la même, de devoir les confier d’autres pour qu’ils soient en sécurité, de délaisser les tâches du quotidien, puis les angoisses… tout n’est pas rose bonbon.
À côté de ça, il y a mon époux et nos enfants qui me portent, mes parents qui nous aident énormément dans la gestion de nos bambins, ainsi que des tâches qu’on arrive plus à gérer, ma grande sœur, les ami(e)s et les voisin(e)s mais aussi certaines personnes qui se transforment en Ninja en déposant des douceurs devant notre porte et qui t’écrivent un message, toutes ces petites choses réchauffent mon petit cœur (étant une hypersensible je vous passe les détails). Puis il y a ceux qui, certaines journées de week-end sont disponibles une après midi et donnent un peu de magie à mes enfants et mon époux en leur permettant de sortir un peu de ce tourbillon. Une maman d’école qui prend les petits une après midi durant les congés scolaires. Puis il y a les amies qui ont vécu ou vivent ce parcours et qui te transmettent tellement d’énergie.
Je tiens aussi à expliquer que durant ce combat, mon herboriste est présent (avec l’accord de mon oncologue), mes kinés, ma douce acupunctrice, mes petites infirmières à domicile, mes fées dans le domaine du bien être et aussi la psychomotricienne qui a répondu présente pour mes p’tits chats.
Je n’éprouve aucune colère par rapport au cancer. Juste ce ressenti en moi « c’est pas juste ». Je me relevais d’une autre pathologie moins lourde mais invalidante et tous ces projets de réorientation professionnelles, ont été placés sur le côté du bureau.
Je ne suis pas seule mais ce combat est le mien.
Le combat n’est pas terminé mais ma victoire sera pailletée!
Mon témoignage, c’est aussi pour vous dire : Par pitié, au moindre doute, consultez ne reprogrammer pas vos rendez vous médicaux, insistez si vous ne vous sentez pas écoutée, ça n’arrive pas qu’aux autres.
Prenez soin de vous
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